Archive: August 6th, 2008

Funny Shit

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ‘I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.’ I noticed the ‘What would Jesus Do?’ bumper sticker, the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally…I assumed you had stolen the car.’

PriceLess

Benny Lava

http://my.break.com/Content/view.aspx?ContentID=545190

Funny Letters To “God”

http://www.geekarmy.com/html/Letters-to-God.html

Vodka

The Many Uses of Vodka

Aside from being a fantastic drink, vodka has many uses which you may not have known about. Since vodka is one of the world’s most popular drinks, many of us have a bottle handy in the home. And since its typically filtered and pure, it makes a handy liquid to have around.

Here are a few uses:

  1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive
  2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
  3. Clean jewelry. Soak the jewelry in vodka for five minutes, then rinse, and dry.
  4. Clean lipstick from clothing. Rub the stain with vodka, then throw into your regular wash.
  5. Remove the glue left behind by a bumper sticker. Rub the glue with a soft, clean cloth soaked with vodka
  6. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
  7. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
  8. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
  9. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
  10. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

If you Love Mario

http://www.88by31.com/flashman/thepeoplesmario.swf